12/27/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

David Addington Disguises Himself As Turkey In Attempt To Get Bush Pardon

Washington DC -- David Addington, whose combination of brutish bullying and abject physical cowardice made him the ideal chief of staff for Vice President Cheney, today disguised himself as a turkey in an attempt to receive the traditional Thanksgiving pardon from President Bush. Addington apparently intended to use the pardon to enable him to travel abroad after January 20th without being arrested for war crimes.

At 10:40 this morning, Addington, wearing a giant Tom Turkey suit with oversized foam rubber feet, trotted onto the South Lawn and began gobbling, puffing his neck, and eating grass. His plan backfired however when Bush, surprisingly aware of his surroundings, noticed Addington and termed him "good eatin".

Addington will be confined to a 3 ft. by 3 ft. pen, routinely injected with basting chemicals and, sometime over the holidays, fried at three minutes per pound.