01/13/2009 02:55 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Obama's Plan to Serve Humankind Decoded...IT'S A COOKBOOK!

Dateline: Washington DC, January 20, 2009 (around dinner time) -- A team of lobbyist/pundits from the American Enterprise Institute, working feverishly throughout inauguration day to transcribe reality into something with which they are more familiar, has concluded that President Barack Obama intends to transport the human race to his native planet and eat them. MSNBC's Keith Olbermann is said to be aboard the first spaceship. A last transmission, purported to be from the Countdown host, stated that "sooner or later we'll all of us be on the menu...all of us."

Ahh the hell with it....this is too great a day for goofy (not to mention pointless) satire. Not when you could turn on TV last night and see Tom DeLay, his face seemingly encased in pesticide, muttering about socialism and the minimum wage. When the set of Fox News looked like a board of directors meeting for a chain of funeral homes. Even Chris Matthews calling Pennsylvania for Obama thusly..."the Second Battle of Gettysburg just failed again for the Republicans." One of us having been a history major, we're pretty sure Lincoln was pleased with that first battle.

We have no idea what James Buchanan might have written Abraham Lincoln the night of the 1860 election...but for sheer self-absorbed point missing it would be hard to top this from George W. Bush:

I promise to make this a smooth transition. You are about to go on one of the great journeys of life. Congratulations, and go enjoy yourself.

We've had eight years of someone enjoying himself and his life journey at the expense of the country. Now, mercifully, this country may finally have a President.