Listen, as we dispense wisdom of the highest order! Hear, so that your Chipotle experience may never be subpar again! Hark, for these are The Rules of Dining at Chipotle!
1. Thou shalt make up thy damn mind.
You had seven good minutes to figure out what you wanted while you waited, pal. Pick one of the four menu items and go with it. Seize the moment, don't squander it. And don't make me call you pal again.
2. Thou shalt not place an order for thyself... and six other burritos for friends who stayed at home.
Your lazy friends can use their app, and you can save yourself from the hatred of everyone behind you in line.
3. Thou shalt use as many of their Tabasco products as possible.
If they didn't want me to use an entire bottle of Green Jalapeño on my burrito, they shouldn't have put all those bottles on display.
4. Thou shalt take upwards of 50 napkins back to thy table, and only use but two of them.
Good thing they use recycled paper for them, or else you'd feel bad.
5. Thou shalt never order the vegetarian option when chicken is the same price.
This is just common sense.
6. Thou shalt order the sofritas (spiced tofu) option once, and only once.
Mainly because you'll appreciate how great their meat is the next time you visit, but it doesn't taste too bad, either.
7. Thou shalt order the guacamole on every burrito and salad, regardless of the extra charge.
They should charge you more if you don't get it, because then maybe you'd stop being such a dumb-dumb and enjoy the best thing on the menu.
8. Thou shalt not say NO to the rice and beans in a burrito, taco, or bowl.
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were training for an Ironman and can't eat carbs. If you just wanted grilled meat, why didn't you go to a kebab place?
Follow Thrillist on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Thrillist
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.
