08/20/2014 12:00 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

What Your Sandwich Says About You


You can tell a lot about a person from their eating and drinking decisions. For instance, that person must be hungry and thirsty! Poor guy!

But in addition to levels of satiation, what you choose to eat says a lot about your personality. If a cocktail glass is a window into the soul, then the blank slate between two pieces of bread is a screen door to the heart, or in some cases, a dead-bolted artery. Read on to see what your sandwich says about you, and scroll down to the comments to let us know if you like caprese but somehow didn't study abroad in Italy.


You traveled through Philadelphia once and ate at a cheesesteak place that wasn't one of the famous ones, but was still pretty good and serves as your barometer for all future cheesesteaks. You have since adopted the attitude that there are no good cheesesteaks outside of Philly, which really pisses off your friend who owns a cheesesteak restaurant.

Every time you open a jar of peanut butter you write your initials in the top layer of virgin JIF with a knife because your childhood babysitter said it was good luck, and were later shocked to learn that she went to prison. You will have a long conversation with anyone who will listen about how much peanut butter you eat, which would be an unhealthy amount if it weren't so good for you. Also, you are willing to pretend things have a higher nutritional value that they actually do.

Some time in the last 10 years you owned a pair of Velcro shoes and still own them despite having moved like five times since then and gotten rid of most of your old clothes. When ordering at restaurants, you usually don't consider the cost breakdown of the ingredients.

You take great pleasure in anything that costs less than $5, and you are very vocal about it. You've often taken friends to Vietnamese restaurants and helped "pop their banh mi cherry" without realizing how unappetizing that phrase is. You are exceedingly proud of yourself for knowing it's spelled b-a-n-h and not b-a-h-n -- though sometimes you forget and have to Google it.

More: What Your Trader Joe's Purchase Says About You


You graduated from peanut butter & jelly and never graduated from anything else. You have several times engaged in complex trades for various lunch items with your office mates.

You are probably a hard person to buy Christmas presents for, because you have everything you need, right there on that hoagie. That Fitbit that your cousin gave you? It was returned for store credit. You used that credit to buy more meat and oil.

You own at least one button-down shirt with a loud print that you break out on Saturdays. It's your Saturday shirt. Most of Sunday you don't wear a shirt at all. You know most of the words to "Blue Suede Shoes", but are kind of confused about who actually wears suede. Your first wife remains your favorite wife, but #4 is looking promising.

You enjoy non-fiction books. If you're over the age of 40, at least one of these books is about the history of conflict in the Middle East. If you're under 40, most of your books have been featured on The Daily Show. Your mom still asks when you're going to settle down with a nice girl.

Do you eat tuna salad sandwiches? Lobster rolls? Bologna? Falafel? B.L.T.'s? We know all about you.

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