I'll give you Pink, not that she won anything. Singing that well while suspended upside down with water dripping off your body is freaky and hard to do. The Peas, as much as their flash performance on Oprah was the single coolest thing I saw this year, disappointed. Fergie has a great voice but she sure didn't show it last night.
Then let's get down to the award winners. Anyone announcing from the podium, "I'm not going to lie I'm more than a little drunk" (Kings of Leon) should immediately have their statue revoked.
I hate to admit the fact that I did buy Taylor Swift's album. The girl has pipes. She's not high on personality or performance charisma. She's not breaking any molds. But she does what she does well.
My biggest complaint is Beyonce. The darth vader song was plain weird. She has a nice voice but we didn't hear it. To me as a performer she is so ... been there, done that. So 2009. I mean, she really never recovered from that slap down with Jennifer Hudson (who looked radiant last night, you go girl!) in Dream Girls. Jenny made the model's soul sound positively tin in comparison to the real deal.
Then there's Gaga. Last night's performance is right there with Melissa Ethridge's comeback performance from chemo, belting out a defiant "Piece of My Heart" with Joss Stone. Those are the only two times a shiver went up my spine watching the silly award show. Okay, Ethridge sent my wife into spontaneous labor, so she still takes the poll position:Seriously, can you see Beyonce or Fergie or Taylor or the Kings of Leon dueling pianos and vocals with Elton John just after turning in the performance of the night?
The thing is, getting snubbed last night only serves to amplify the Gaga wave. It's like Congress debating just how much pork they can cram into the health care bill when the country is falling apart.
Anyone with a pulse could tell who the real winner was last night. And it had nothing to do with hardware.
Tom Matlack is the co-founder of THE GOOD MEN PROJECT and a fan of all things cool and good.