07/15/2013 03:00 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Girls Howl for Taylor Lautner at Grown Ups 2 Premiere in NYC


The premiere for Grown Ups 2 was held last Wednesday night at AMC Lincoln Square Theater on the in NYC, drawing quite an A-list crowd.

I walked in with, and sat by Taylor Lautner, yes girls, I said Taylor Lautner, who, earlier in the day was filming his newest movie Tracers. And let me tell you, it was hot! I mean, the weather was hot, not the fact that I walked in with Taylor Lautner. Then again, that was kind of hot too, except walking near him made me look somewhat like a barnacle!

Taylor was a nice guy (I say "guy" even though I still see him as a kid, but that's just because I'm old...and maybe a little condescending). Taylor dove right into the crowd of screaming girls. Of course he was flanked by some huge Russian finger-breaker-looking bodyguards who, next to me, made me look like a finger -- a pinky to be exact.

Taylor spent most of his time graciously posing for pictures, and spent extra time with a young girl in a wheelchair in the front of the crowd. He hugged and kissed her, and both she and her parents were crying. It was quite moving and inspirational. I'm surprised Taylor wasn't crying since he was wearing leather biker boots and a leather jacket in near 100-degree temperatures. Dude I know you are the man, but winter is over, and so is 1984. Remember, it's only quirky and ironic if you're in on the joke. If I seem unnecessarily critical, it's because I hate when hugely successful good-looking guys are also really nice and put together. Damn you Taylor Lautner!

In the movie, Taylor plays a college frat boy. He and his frat buddies bully the main characters in the movie (Chris Rock, Kevin James, David Spade, and Adam Sandler). I must say, he seemed quite natural in the role.

Also at the premiere were Adam Sandler (with his wife Jackie), David Spade, Chris Rock, Kevin James, and Salma Hayek.Other notables walking the carpet were model Carol Alt, actor Milo Ventimiglia, Miss USA Nana Meriwether, Patrick Schwarzenegger (Taylor Swift's ex and Arnold's son), Ashanti, and The Real Housewives of New Jersey's Melissa Gorga, there with her husband Joe.
During the movie, I spotted David Spade getting a security escort to the bathroom (or maybe it was an adult chaperone since he still looks 12.). It was in a far location and he posed for some pictures without stopping while hurriedly walking backwards to return to the screening. From a distance, he looks like a young Heather Locklear. Closer up, he looks like an old Heather Locklear with a goatee. Either way, that's a compliment to him.

Kevin, Chris, David, and Adam seem to be good buddies off camera too as they all joked around with each other in the lobby. They seem like the kind of guys who'd be friends even without the fame.

I didn't see Steve Buscemi or Rob Schneider but I was quickly consoled by the sight of Salma Hayek who was looking super sexy in a skintight black dress. Dios mio!

There weren't any big surprises in the movie:

Kevin James' character does a special sneeze/fart thing/tic that's pretty funny (the first time).

We get it Adam; you like to do the annoying voice that is either a talking baby or a slow adult (after all these years, we still aren't sure). And we also get the "joke" that Salma Hayek is way too hot to be your wife, even in a movie.

We get to see all of their (stunt doubles) naked asses ( unfortunately not Selma's).

Chris Rock has a few one-liners that aren't really that funny, which finally settles the debate about clean jokes supposedly being funnier and smarter than dirty jokes. Let's put it this way, after seeing him in this, you're going to be begging for an f-bomb or two.

All in all, the movie was pretty funny, friendship, family, big breasts and naked asses: What more could you ask for? Most of the scenes were stolen by Shaquille O'Neal, who plays a silly cop. It was nice to see all of the movie stars show up for the screening and actually sit through the entire film without darting out early (usually what I see when I'm darting out early). Shaq also hammed it up with Sandler on the red carpet by lifting him up like a baby for the cameras.

The after-party was a rather formal dinner for cast, crew and stars, rather than a fun cocktail hour open to all of the guests. Formal=bore-fest for me=Why did I sit through this thing? Oh yeah, because I got to hang out with Taylor Lautner!