Once your kid starts talking, they also start talking back. They probably won't be smart a**es all the time, but enough to test the limits of your patience with the precision of Isaac Newton. Unless you're a Dickens character, chances are that your kid will feel comfortable asserting their will against you at times, and you will have to decide when to put your foot down (preferably not on their head).
Recently, I saw this video of a little boy debating with his mom about his attempt to steal cupcakes after she told him that he couldn't have any. This video has clearly gone viral because so many parents relate to it. Maybe our grandparents' generation would have never tolerated this type of "conversation" because it would have ended with getting beaten by a tree trunk, but since corporal punishment is frowned upon these days, kids are both seen and heard.
One of the great challenges of disciplining our children is how often we have to do it -- especially when they are toddlers (otherwise known as a**holes). My 3-year-old daughter has the mental capacity to verbalize her desires -- incessantly, mind you -- but she often lacks the tools to deal with her emotions if she doesn't get what she wants. When she relies on her base instincts to express her discontent, it is easier for me to stand my ground. The whining, weeping and wailing don't make me want to give in to her. It may be annoying to witness her protests, but I feel justified in my reasoning.
Yet children are like the Velociraptors in Jurassic Park -- eventually, they will find a way. The art of negotiation is one of the most effective strategies for getting what you want as an adult, which is exactly what the 3-year old in that video exhibited brilliantly.
My daughter is also discovering the effectiveness of debate. She has begun to realize that if she approaches me politely and attempts to outwit me with logic rather than tears, there is a greater chance that I will cave.
Munch: "Mamma, can I have a treat?"
Toni: "No, you just woke up, you can't have a treat for breakfast."
Munch: "What if I ate a really healthy breakfast? Then can I have a treat?"
Toni: "But it is the morning. It would be insane to give you a treat at 8 a.m.."
Munch: "Mom, you could give me just one candy, and then I won't ask for any more treats for the rest of the day."
Toni: "Yeah, but that is still just not done. Treats in the morning will get me committed into an institution. I can't let you start your day with sugar."
Munch: "I have an idea. I will eat my healthy breakfast and you will give me one candy. I will put in in my pocket and wait for three and a half minutes. And then I can have it?"
Toni: "No sugar for breakfast."
Munch: "But you know how we sometimes have pancakes for breakfast?"
Munch: "Well, pancakes are a treat aren't they? They have maple syrup sugar on them."
Toni: "Ummmmm yes... but for some reason that is socially acceptable."
Munch: "So maybe I should have a candy this morning, and we won't have pancakes."
Toni: "You weren't going to have pancakes anyway. I am making you eggs."
Munch: "How about if I have my treat in the morning after my healthy breakfast, I won't have a treat later. Then, I won't eat sugar at night so I can go to sleep nice and early and won't stay awake because of the sugar."
Toni, internally: Why does that actually make a lot of sense to me right now?
Even though it is tempting, and perhaps effective, to run my house like a dictatorship, sometimes my daughter craves a more democratic regime. Her challenging my rules and rationale is not always something I want to deal with, but I also respect her tenacity. It would be more convenient if my daughter did everything I said without trying to dispute me, but it is also important our children learn the skills of dialogue and persuasion.
PS: I want to arrange a marriage between my daughter and that 3-year-old cupcake negotiator.
For more on this conversation around discipling your toddler, watch this video blog!
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.