THE BLOG
01/07/2015 05:30 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

If You Cannot Love Me Fat Then Do Not Love Me At All

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In a lot of ways, I understand where Carlos Romero is coming from. It is hard to tell someone you recently lost a lot of weight. Weight loss does not solve a lot of body image issues. You have to deal with loose skin and stretch marks when you drop an excessive amount of weight. I would venture to say it is harder for women dating as well.

The girl Carlos sees now did say that she would probably have passed on him at his old 400 pound self. They have things in common now including rock climbing.

The report from NPR is saying that most people do not want to admit that they lost weight. It shows a failure. It can be a deal breaker with the skin and the stretch marks.

I believed that for a long time. I lived a life of obesity and still fight every day.

I will say this with confidence.

If you cannot love me fat, then do not love me at all.

I have always been overweight. I would dream of a girl to find me attractive or find my "inner beauty." I remember watching all of those movies where the girl/boy would look past the boy's/girl's looks to find a really nice guy/girl. Never in real life though.

When I met my wife in 2000, I weighed about 220 pounds. I just lost 80 pounds on the "Hey, let's not eat and take a lot of pills with ephedrine" diet. I was good at it. I have always been good at losing weight. I have done it since I was 14 years old.

We talked and hit it off. We had a lot in common. I was attracted to her, and I would assume she was attracted to me. I remember I loved talking to her. She had so many qualities about her that made me want to be with her every day. We went out to eat a lot and talked.

I started to gain a lot of weight early into our relationship. I told her I lost a good amount of weight and that I was once 300 pounds, but it is hard for some to grasp. It is hard for the average person to understand the mind of an obese person. It is hard for the average person to imagine someone gaining back weight that they worked so hard to lose.

I put on about 75 pounds the first two months we were together. When we moved to Buffalo, I weighed around 315. When we moved to Florida, I weighed 350.

When we were about to get married, I weighed over 400 pounds.

My wife had every opportunity to get out of the relationship. We did not have any kids at a time. We both had good jobs so money would not have been a problem if we broke up. She never told me to lose weight, or she would leave. She never made a comment about my body. She wanted me to get healthy, but that was more after we got married and wanted to live a long life together.

All she had to do was tell me she did not want to be with me. If she had given me an ultimatum, I would have left. You know, lose weight or go.

My wife did not treat me any differently when I lost weight. She was not more attracted to me. It is hard for some to believe. She did not want to have sex more. She wanted me to be healthier and happier.

My situation is different, but it did teach me something about myself. People ask me if I get more looks now than when I was 400 pounds. Well, yes. People ask me if people flirt more. Well, to a point.

I did learn one thing.

If you cannot love me fat, then do not love me at all.

If you were not attracted to me at 420 pounds, then ignore me at 200 pounds. If you cannot find talent or inspiration in an obese man, then stop looking for it after I lost weight. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than be with someone who only loved me now. My wife saw something in me at 400 pounds. She had no idea I could write. She had no idea I would be able to lose weight. She knew I had talent, but not sure what it was.

All I know is that she loved me when I was fat. She loves me today.

Honestly, if my wife were 400 pounds, I would love her. If my kids were 400 pounds, I would love them. That will not happen. In fact, I do not know many people who were over 400 pounds. No one in my family ever came close to that.

I have stretch marks and loose skin. I gain and lose weight. I have good days and bad days.

I also married a woman who loves a man who was enormous. We are celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary this week.

And I promise the love is the same today as it was at 420 pounds.

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