Whether girls want to admit it or not, we all have sexual fantasies. We all crave lust and the feeling of being desired and loved and to have our fantasies come true. Otherwise, 50 Shades of Grey wouldn't have been such a phenomenon among our society.
A few months ago, I encountered my own rendition of 50 Shades of Grey. I met my own Christian Grey, only my ending took a turn that I wasn't expecting.
He intimidated me from the moment we met. He was older than me, by about 14 years, and maybe it was the thought of scandal that drew me in, but whatever it was, my attraction was immediate.
He charismatically introduced himself, and we made small talk in a way I can't explain. I felt extremely open with him -- an immediate feeling that I could tell him anything and everything. He exuded patience with me, and I was eating it up. The whole time we were talking, I was staring at the subtle amount of dark chest hair peaking through his worn navy blue v-neck, and I felt a shrilling urge to have my hands against his chest. Perhaps it's because I was going through a bit of a "dry spell," but I had never experienced this chemical reaction to a man before. I remember literally saying out loud to myself after he walked away, "Holy Crap..." I knew that I was going to have sex with this man at some point.
A few weeks went by with what some would say was conversation, but felt more to me like he was reading my soul. I felt like he had me all figured out, more than I had myself figured out. I remember being frustrated that he hadn't asked me for my number yet and entertained the possibility that maybe we were just friends. But I could feel it was something deeper when he finally asked me for my number. He called me that night and proposed, "if you're comfortable with it, I was thinking I could make us some dinner." ("Yes," I said -- called, not texted. I knew there was something weird about this dude.)
Clearly I knew dinner was code for sex. You see, when a 20-something-year-old guy asks you to "come over and watch a movie," we all know it's code for, "I'm going to try to put my penis near your face." If a 30-something-year-old guy asks if he can "make you dinner," it means "Hey girl, let's have sex."
My nerves had been percolating through my body all day. I considered canceling, but I knew there was no escaping him, so I nervously arrived to his house. He met me with a calm smirk and then led me in. He had candles lit, music on and little appetizers out on the table. He must have sensed my nerves because he quickly had me choose from a large selection of wine. A French Pinot Noir it was. I remember noticing that he had taken the little cheese cubes and carefully placed them around the perimeter of the plate. (I guess all it takes to get me into bed is doing decorative things with cheese.)
It only took about five minutes before we were ripping each others clothes off. Looking back, I don't even know how it started, our bodies just seemed to pull to one another like magnets. I could feel myself being sexually awakened, finally, it was something I had been craving. I like to fancy myself as a "sexual person," meaning that I enjoy sex very much. I get into it, I enjoy receiving and giving, and usually don't have regrets afterwards.
Now, when I say I was "into" the sex, I'm saying... we had sex for a good four hours. I felt rejuvenated. You guys, Stella got her groove back. This man knew what he was doing. He made me feel comfortable, beautiful and appreciated. After our several rounds of celebrating each others' bodies, we finally ate our dinner, butt naked, cuddling and laughing about what just happened.
He was very spiritual and had spent years studying and practicing tantric sex. Similar to Christian Grey, he began to teach me a form of sex I knew nothing about. It was then that I became his student.
Most of you have probably caught on to how trendy it is to "be in the moment" right now. Well, tantric sex is basically being very much in the moment while having sex... which is damn near impossible. As my guide, he would challenge me to practice a relaxed state of awareness during sex, especially when doing things I hadn't done before. He challenged me to breathe through every thought, not fighting them but just accepting them. When done right, tantric sex is supposed to take you to a place of ecstasy. It gives us a taste of our own physical power and puts us in touch with our higher metaphysical power. Ok, in laymen's terms, I was getting my rocks off.
My escapade with him continued for a several months -- him patiently illuminating more and more about the act of tantric sex, bed restraints, blindfolds, being seen naked in pure sunlight without a fresh wax, everything out of my comfort zone. However, like most relationships, it came to an end. It didn't come to an end because of an argument or the sex plateauing. It ended because the door to his sexuality was more unbolted than I had imagined.
It was common for us to openly discuss sex, whether it be our past experiences or things we would like to do in the future. But a desire he expressed was something I couldn't write off as him being just "spiritual." He said that he fantasized about being able to start seeing people as people and not judging them by their gender. Okay, so when a spiritual guy tells you he wants to experience people as people and not as their gender, it means he wants to have sex with a dude and that my Christian Grey turned gay.
I couldn't help but immediately snap out of my new "spiritual awakening" as I realized that I am apparently no longer his type as he wants to "experience people as people and not by their gender..." I mean, that line in itself should have been a red flag.
I never thought I had turned him gay; I just deem him to be extramundane, and I look back at him with gratitude. Before meeting him, I had been pretty unsatisfied with my sex life. I think a lot of girls my age are craving something more when it comes to sex. We are truly developing as women and the drunk sex can get a little too bland a little too fast. Do we have to be madly, passionately in love with someone to achieve great sex? Contrary of popular belief, sometimes women just want to enjoy some real, good sex. So, I walked away from this experience with a couple orgasms, a few new tricks up my sleeve, another notch in my belt, and a story to blog about.
We have remained friends, and from my understanding, he is still currently seeking to have sex with a man and "experience him as a human, not as a man."
Kelly writes for Unwritten. Currently living in the Los Angeles area, you can follower her on Twitter @kelly_alto.