07/29/2008 07:38 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

My Adventures With The World's Worst Makeover

Listen up, everybody!

Stop what you're doing and look over here, because I have found the ultimate Internet time-waster. And by ultimate time-waster, I mean something that you'll think is funny for at least 30-40 minutes. In the latest of a long line of technological makeover innovations, Clairol - the makers of such illustrious products as Herbal Essences and Nice N' Easy - has launched their "Try It On Studio." Actually, I'm not really sure when it launched, but since it's taken over my life, I figured now is an appropriate time to bring it to the masses.

The idea - as with all makeover software - is that you upload a photo of yourself (straight on, hair pulled away from your face) and they'll show you what you'll look like with a different 'do or dye.

It's 2008, it's Internet Week, and we've got 70-year-old women having babies so (call me crazy!), but I was expecting technological greatness.

I uploaded my photo and began -- according to the rules -- approximating my current cut, style, and color. What do you think?


Then, I asked Clairol to offer their color recommendations. (Yes, this is an option.) They offered up "Strawberry Blonde."


I think it looks really natural! But natural is boring. What fun is a makeover if it looks natural? I decided it was time to step up my game and play around a little bit with style. I've always wanted to be curly, and I've also sworn for the last 6 months that I was going to chop all my hair off in a bold and probably misguided tribute to Linda Evangelista. Let's see what Clairol thinks!

Brown curly hair?


I've never looked better! I think the middle one is particularly SJP, wouldn't you agree?

Now, Linda Evangelista is famous for her chameleon-like qualities. But - I think I could give her a run for her money! Which Linda-version of me do you like best? Sassy blonde or spicy brunette?


And last, but certainly not least, Clairol even has the foresight and decency to offer a "Glamorous" section - so that you can perfectly tailor your look to your upcoming nuptials, prom, and/or Oscar acceptance speech. Here are my personal favorites. They are, from left to right: Surfer Sleek, the Glamour Mullet, the "That Doesn't Look Half-Bad!", and Sumo Wrestler Chic.


What do you think? Which style do you think is most flattering to my enviably photogenic self? Bored? Got time to waste? Tell us which style Clairol recommended for you!

Oh, and PS:

Dear Clairol,

What were you thinking?? While I feel obligated to thank you for the best laugh I've had in ages, I've got to ask: Who on earth (and how much!) did you pay to make this for you? Besides the radioactive color options and the all-encompassing range of styles, the graphics looked like something I did in MS Paint while drunk, blind-folded, and using my left hand.

Let's step up the game a bit. There's gotta be a way that you can incorporate some of the most basic features of Adobe (like the one that automatically figures out the outline of a figure) and have the program simulate dying your real hair - instead of plopping an ill-fitting wig on an unflattering full-frontal headshot.

I'm just sayin'.

Eternally Yours In Style,

Verena "I've Never Looked Better" von Pfetten