I started thinking about my 2015 goals in November, about a month before I actually start solidifying them. I usually start the process by looking back at my year -- successes, setbacks and stalled points. This year stumped me. I had travelled a long way home to myself with little to show for it. Every possible judgement around this arose and with it a gamete of emotions which I allowed myself to be with and feel fully. Then I asked myself why I wasn't further along. What I discovered was so shocking, it rocked me to my core.
Excuses as facts
I have habitually created excuses for not showing up fully in my business and life and accepted them as the truth. Mindlessly following them down the path of why I am unable to complete the steps necessary to play big, they trip me up, hold me back and keep me playing infinitely small. While it would be easy to judge this as crazy, it is actually a brilliant system within my mind to protect a fundamental believe I created as a child -- in order to be loved, belong and safe, I cannot shine at my fullest.
My mind has mapped that as the truth. Much like an internal GPS set to "quickest route", it will take bits and pieces of information and links them into the route away from the pain of insecurity. It uses all kinds of fun excuses from time to lack of clarity to keep me playing small. I could see something radical was going to have to shift.
I needed to let go of the excuses. Immediately my mind went into overtime trying to bring me back to the right route to the pain-free zone. This internal tug of war was mentally and physically exhausting. All I could do was throw my hands in the air and say, "Fuck it! I surrender."
That was the exact thing I needed to do, too. Once I did, I could honestly start looking at why I was creating these excuses and ask myself honestly, "Is it true?" If it wasn't true, I'd ask, "What is true?" Then I would explore what was needed to shift. The brilliance of this is that it gave my mind something to do instead of reverting to default mode.I decided to take it a step further. I asked, "What if I...":
- did shine fully?
- revealed my gifts entirely?
- let myself be seen?
- showed up fully?
Clarity was the greatest result, momentum was the next. This is the simplicity that rests on the other side of complexity. The challenge is being willing to surrender the self-created complexity long enough to move through it. Surrender provided a grace that allowed me to be with what I created long enough to shift. The shift provided freedom from the old fears of being left, unloved, or unsafe. Without the fear, I discovered peace and within that space, a strength to continue showing up just as I am and being the woman the world has been waiting on the finally arrive.
Are you ready to say "fuck it!" to all the ways you have been hiding your light? Are you ready to play at your biggest? I'd love to hear from you! What are you ready to surrender? Leave a comment.