06/18/2013 08:58 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

New York City Is Nutritious

There's a thin line between navigating one's way on a particularly menacing day, through the mean streets of New York City, muttering, "You disgusting filthy ferocious thing" and staring awestruck, mesmerized, into a surreal Manhattan sunset from a Brooklyn rooftop, blinded by the hues of orange and pink and blue, whispering "You sexy, sexy city, you."

I've got news for the naysayers, non-believers and the like: New York City is nutritious and worth the hype. Contrary to popular propaganda, New York City is the yummy in your tummy, the disco in your ball, the Deee in your Lite and like Jimmie Walker say, "Dy-no-mite!"

Around every creeping sleeping, sultry lascivious dirty, stinky, slinky crevice, lay a wealth of light, insight and a voracious appetite.

It's a beauty that will put your West Coast wet dreams to shame, make you writhe and wiggle and wish for our special blend of masochistic pain.

Fear it, Flash It, Funk it, Blast it. New York City is nutritious and you're shining brighter despite it.