Several notable men--fitness advocate Vince Adams, motivational speakers Dwayne Bryant and Vincent K. Harris, political analyst Maze Jackson, and hip hop icon/activist Che Rhymefest Smith--held court at the 21st annual Black Women's Expo and told the captive audience what many were shocked to learn.
The relationship panel, Wives, Girlfriends and Side Chicks Decoded, facilitated by the lifestyle bloggers Six Brown Chicks, exposed several destructive relationship myths that women tend to believe.
6 Worst Relationship Myths Women Believe
I can put on my best face on our date. "Before the date, a person can (and will) spend time on your Facebook page to know exactly what you're about," says Vince Adams. You can't pretend to be Miss Goody Two Shoes on your date when your posts present you in a totally different manner.
Potential lovers avoid me because I have children. "Women put themselves in that box of having kids and making it a negative," explains Maze Jackson. "[Men don't mind] if the children are well-behaved. What you see oftentimes is a woman so interested in keeping up with the dude that she neglects the kids. That has a negative effect on how a man sees you; it tells that man something about your character."
My long-term relationship will lead to marriage. Read this carefully: You are wasting your time if you've been dating someone for two years or more and you do not have a commitment, according to Dwayne Bryant. "I will only commit to a woman that I think has the capacity to be my wife," says Bryant. "If she is bringing greatness to the table, and is an asset, it won't take more than a couple months (for a commitment)--a few at the most."
I have too much baggage with my ex, and no one will want me. Your drama-filled past will not halt you from starting a future with someone else, says Che Rhymefest Smith, because most people have drama in their pasts. "My ex-wife took me to court while I was running for public office, and she worked in the office of my opponent," Che Rhymefest Smith says. "A lot of times men have more drama because we were with women we shouldn't have been with in the first place."
My lover cheated on me because I am not enough. More often than not, a man's desire to cheat has nothing to do with you. "I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood, and didn't think I was handsome as a child. When I went to college and realized women found me attractive, I cheated just to make up for lost time. It was revenge," says Maze Jackson, who is now engaged. Vincent K. Harris adds: "I juggled women just to see what I could get away with; but having side chicks is expensive," so that behavior ceased.
I must let him know upfront how valuable I am. It may be best to demonstrate your character rather than talk about it, says Che Rhymefest Smith. "When someone says, 'I can do this, and I can do that,' I think, well you're okay then [by yourself]. Why don't you just do what you say you are? People do too much talking about who they think they are and not enough DOING who they are."
(Photo by Bobby Barnhill/KP Enterprises: l. to r. Maze Jackson, Vincent K. Harris, Dwayne Bryant, Vince Adams and Che Rhymefest Smith.)